Feedback about Tuesday's Pie Chart Presentations

Here is the

Here is my feedback from my notes about your pie chart presentations on Tuesday. Because I didn't record the talks, my feedback is based on handwritten notes. The points I make should be considered by everyone, even if it was not about your group. I apologize if for some of you there are too many problems observed and not enough good points. There were good points, but I couldn't write fast enough to note them all. My observations were about the points that jumped out at me.

Kid,  Zach,  Ikuya

• good -- you introduced the topic,  not the argument  with  “I’d like to talk about the price of bananas”   
• good -- you stated the main idea
• good -- Zach gave a signpost -- “another main reason …”
• good language  --  “As you can see from this pie chart …”
• good -- setting up the next speaker   “Kid will give us an example”
• good -- examples are powerful
• problem -- grammar -- Kid:  “They should wake up at 5 a.m.”

Alisa &  Shirley

• problem -- fatal flaw -- you contradicted each other,  but said  “So we agree:
• problem -- Alisa -- speaking too fast at the start
• problem -- Alisa -- don’t put hands in your pocket
• good -- referred to data “Supermarket is 38%,  workers only 2%”
• problem -- “And if you go to the plantation”  -- consumers do not go to a plantation
• problem -- grammar is very rough -- try to record yourself and listen

Hussain & Rocky

• problem -- topic vs. thesis    -  “Today we will talk about governments should …”
• problem -- too informal -  “Hi”
• problem -- overuse of “should”  -  “Because we should make sure workers should be paid fairly”
• problem -- generalization -- “The government controls everything …”
• Rocky -- don’t put your hands in your pocket
• good - excellent language -- “What this chart shows is …”

Mark & Maryam

• problem -- pronunciation -- pee chart or pie chart?
• good language -- “It’s a difficult question.  Many think …. but others …”
• good signposting --  “Let’s start by considering the facts.   You can see …”
• problem -- Mark -- looking at chart too much sometimes
• good -- lots of details to support your points
• good -- added counterargument
• good -- dealt with interesting point  “And why is it only 2%?” -- looked at economics
• good -- used academic vocabulary -- “significant”  “distribute”   “if you compare”  
• good -- signpost  -  Maryam  “Another argument is …”